Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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