That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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