it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize