first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
