i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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