Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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