Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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