I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
