Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
