I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
