Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
