Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
