He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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