she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
