just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
