plz talk dirty to me
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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