Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize