i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
is that a dick in a sweater?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
