Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
