I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
