Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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