morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
