I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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