he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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