i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
