I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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