I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
