I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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