3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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