My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
