it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
