1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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