I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I faked an abortion last night.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
