Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
