How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize