We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
