the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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