My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
