He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
ok first of all what the fuck
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
