You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
