This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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