Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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