How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
