dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You are a genius and a whore.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
