I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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