We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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