Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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