I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
