sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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