I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
