Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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