I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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