Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
