so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
