3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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