I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
