I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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