Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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