The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
nutella sex= disaster
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
