that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
