Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
