i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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