based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
