You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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