No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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