Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
