Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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