your thong is hanging out like whoa
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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