So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize