It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
