Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
