can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
