Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
